Illumination

Creative Writing Assignment:
A gust of wind, too early for this time of year, swept through the peaceful urban street. But the silence would last no longer; soon lightning would crash and thunder would roar and all would be peaceful no more. At the climax of this sudden storm, a horrendous bolt of lightning struck. Darkness reigned for a time until an anxious hand fumbled for the matchbox. On top of a dusty Chappell piano, a distinctly molded and preserved pillar of burgundy wax rested on an ornate silver base. At the heart of this beautiful column lay a braided string, better known as a wick. With a swift strike of the match this small object lit the room. A wisp of black smoke emanated from the top of the wick as a small flame took shape. As the wax began to burn a pleasurable aroma took hold of the night air and wrapped us in tranquility. Reflecting light on every face and dancing images across the walls, the candle set the ambiance for the night. For solace we came together in its light, told stories in its shadows, and created love and lasting memories in its warmth. The resounding impact of the candle had taken hold and rescued our hearts from fear.
Enchanting every gazer, a candle is a symbol of relaxation and romance, of peace and of warmth. The heat of the flame is displayed in marvelous colors. The area of deepest heat is colored blue, and with decreasing temperature the colors roll from red to orange to yellow to white. So it is within us; we bear our warmest passions in the depth of our soul. Though powerful on the outside, imagine what we can become if we delve deeper into ourselves and arouse the potential and power within. But take heed, for a sole lit candle can unintentionally create shadow. This lone candle is not sufficient to bring the light necessary to emit such a radiant power as can be refracted in every corner of the earth; but the flame can ignite other wicks and spread to influence many more lives to remedy the shadows which were created.
The purpose of this candle which had so many hands in its creation is to be consumed in giving. This once hardened pillar of strength and beauty, has now resigned itself to a pool of heated wax; and soon the illumination will be whisked away by a gentle draft. Just as the candle in all its glory had come to comfort us, it had to go away. The light and heat slowly faded and we were left in darkness yet again. But stay vigilant, for through carelessness we may well forget the light that we have seen and the warmth that we have felt. As if the candle had never possessed light in the first place…as if the match had never been struck, nor consolation sought.

A Long Distance Auntie

I never realize how far away I live until I get a long distance call from one of you kiddos. You tell me about the cute boy you met, or the dress you're wearing to the dance; you tell me about church and school, and what's been troubling you this week. And when you do I just can't help but tear up, because I miss you so dang much!
I want to help you all mend everything that's broken.
I want to help you remember the all good times we've had.
I want to be a confidante for each of you.
I want to be there when you discover your talents.
I want to hold your hands as you go through troubling times.
I want to party with you when you find something to celebrate.
I want to help you make your big decisions.
I want to help you find your testimony.
I want to be in all your pictures.
But most of all I want to see all of you smile :)
...And I can't help but feel like if only I had taken the time to do those things when I was there, I wouldn't be feeling the way that I am now.
I want to tell you how one of a kind you really are, but it's just not the same on a long distance call. I'm sorry if I ever took you for granted, but trust me- I think about you every day that I'm here. I love to watch you grow, and am so proud of all the things you are accomplishing. Can't wait to see you you each again soon,
Auntie Paris loves you!!!

Community Mural

Soul Surfer

There's nothing quite so spectacular as being on a board in the middle of the ocean with the sun setting on your right, the moon rising on your left, and the beautiful city of Waikiki lighting up behind you. About two weeks ago a group of my friends and I drove into town to witness just that. Carlos, Cristiano, Nikki, and I hit the South shores for a pretty calm surf and also to have some fun in town. We got there about 530 or so, and paddled out to wait at the break with a bunch of other people, but as it got cooler outside more and more people left until we were almost alone out there. After a few hours we were exhausted and just floated on our boards to see the meeting of the blue and pink horizons. Someone was getting married on the beach so there were candles all around and live music that we could hear all the way out on the water :) When it got dark we paddled in, showered off, and went on a restaurant hunt. We found this cool mexican grill called La Cucaracha where they let us wear Sombrero's while we ate. It was epic. Such good food, we got so full! Then we walked around and let the boys do some shopping along the surfer strip where they have Billabong, RVCA, etc. It was an amazing day, and a crazy cool night, probably one of my most memorable here on this island... Love it here.

The "Grunge Look" Pays Off.

Because I've done nothing of note this past week, I've decided to recall an experience I had a few months ago. In the beginning of February, I was headed to the North Shore with my roommate Ashley to play at the beach. When we got there we ran into a few friends who told us that casting calls were going on down the road to be in a movie! So we hopped in the car, and drove down to the Turtle Bay Resort to track down the auditioners. As we ran through the marble lobbies barefoot in our swimdresses, we turned more than a few heads...haha. We gave them our information, measurements, and took a few photographs, and were on our way. Well a few weeks went by, school started, and we completely forgot about the auditions. On February 11, I received a call from the casting director asking if I would be willing to come do an overnight filming at the Kualoa Ranch Fish Pond! I was so proud of myself :) The movie they were shooting is called Soul Surfer, and they needed extras to come be beach-goers. (I guess showing up in the "grunge look" paid off ;) So I took the bus to the Ranch and showed up a little bit early- just in time to see Kevin Sorbo getting out of a minivan with his 3 kids, Dennis Quaid getting out of his trailer, Carrie Underwood and Anna Sophia Robb getting out of a red convertible, and Jeremy Sumpter walking on the beach!!! So they were all just kind of hanging around and I was the only non-celebrity in the group! It was super fun just being introduced to them and chatting. So then we started shooting, and I was supposed to stand right behind Kevin and Jeremy for the shot...which we ended up re-doing for like 4.5 hours. So anytime there was a break they would both turn around and talk to me! So we introduced ourseves, they asked where I was from, which launched us into a discussion of sports (Nuggets, Rockies, Broncos, etc) and then USAFA where apparently they both love to golf, and I've golfed there before, etc. Then they told me about alll they places they'd visited, and recommended that I get into acting! haha. Well then it started to rain a little bit, but the people in charge made us leave our jackets and things down the road at the camp. So it was FREEZING! ...Well as cold as it can be in Hawaii ;) But then the assistants walked around with the jackets for the celebs and Jeremy handed me his to wear! So YES, I was wearing Peter Pan's jacket. haha. So anyways, we just got to talking and laughing and stuff and then when we were all finished filming they kind of separated the celebs from all of us "normal people" and we walked away. So then I was on my way back to the trailers to change and Jeremy ran up behind me and was like "Hey! let me get your number, and we'll do something while I'm still in town!"
Well even though he never called, it's nice knowing that a celebrity has my phone number :) haha THE END.

Cinnamon Life

Have you ever noticed that junk food always goes on sale first? It's this game that grocers like to play called "let's only put the chips, cookies, and pop on sale for the first week of the month so that when the poor starving college students are forced to go grocery shopping they can only afford that- then after they've already stocked up on junk, we'll put all the granola, soy milk, and produce on sale." Well this week I was too tired to strategize and lost that game- which landed me sitting at work with nothing to munch on but a box of Cinnamon Life. And as I munched I thought about the mediocrity of college life. I thought about how one day those who gave me grades would be begging me for an autograph, how those who denied me financial aid would begin asking me for donations...how my landlord would one day be my gardener. And as I relished that thought for a while, I decided that in order for that precious day to come I would need to make a few changes; for our future is only as great as the sum of our sacrifices. So then I asked myself, what am I willing to sacrifice? Am I willing to do now what others won't, so that I can do later what others can't? I hope my priorities are such that I can look back on this time and remember more than just the beach- I hope to remember the changes that I went through, the people that I met, the goals I accomplished, and the path that I laid brick-by-brick for future generations.
...And then I walked into my Mathetmatics of Accounting class and all such dreams faded into a dusty oblivion where I lost all hope for a pleasant future. As the teacher droned on and on about liabilities and compound interest, all I could think of was how I longed for the simple sweet taste of that Cinnamon Life.

My Least Favorite Phrase:

"They're great...once you get to know them." People, be great at first so that others will want to get to know you. Life is about the value of our social interactions; not merely how we treat our friends, but how we treat strangers. "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

Dumb Superheroes

I don't know what some of those superheroes were thinking...being invisible sucks.

There comes a time in every girl's life when no matter how hard you try to stop liking him, you simply can't help it. Each of us have known that boy who makes life better just by smiling, for whom we would wait hours if only to catch a second of eye contact with him. But unfortunately he's also the one we think is so far out of our league; the one we put up on a shelf and label "untouchable." For some reason we can't see anything but his perfection, and our lack thereof. You try and try to be noticeable whether it's through personality, humor, looks, you name it; but in the end you remain invisible. And that thought drives us crazy-how do we have such an easy time making friends, an easy time gaining the respect of adults and love of children, yet he still doesn't know we exist?
And then there's the competition. That girl who makes your self esteem drop ten points merely by breathing. She smiles at all the right times, bats her eyelashes an inordinate amount, and never seems to have a single hair out of place. Never a blemish on her perfectly even suntanned skin, and she must just live at the gym.
Why do we put ourselves in these situations? Why do we let us ourselves want more than we deserve or even dare to compare with those far more valuable prospects?

I think these thoughts on a daily basis, and mostly on Sundays when I fidget around not knowing what to do with myself or where to sit, etc. and I can barely remember the reason I am there in the first place because something far more distracting is commanding my attention.

...and in the midst of this war of looks and personality and flirting and competition, I have to constantly tell myself... If he really knew what he was missing, he wouldn't settle for anything else.
To all my girls out there; tell yourselves the same thing the next time you find yourself being "invisible."Because it's true :)

Racing Sea Turtles

I fell asleep on the couch again...slept in until 9 again. (surprise) I dreamt that I was a few years older, a few years wiser, and a few pounds lighter. When I awoke I thought, "I should go for a run today." First I went over all the reasons I should do it, then I went over all the reasons I didn't really feel like it, then I went over all the more interesting things I could be doing with my time, and the list went on... and on. 11 o'clock rolled around, I was eating applesauce and sitting on the couch typing up an article for the paper-the glass door to my left was letting in the beautiful Hawaiian sunlight, and I remembered my earlier idea to exercise. I thought, "Oh but I'm so entangled in this article, I just HAVE to finish it!"....12 o'clock rolled around, now I was paying bills, listening to country, and contemplating painting my nails. The idea struck me again and I fought it off with, "Well high-noon is a bad time to be out in the sun... I'd get 3rd degree burns."...1 o'clock rolled around, and I had finally exhausted my excuses. My roommates were all gone and I had no distractions, my rear end was numb from sitting down, and that beautiful sun was just begging me to come out and play. I sighed a sorrowful sigh, then slowly walked to my room and changed into my running shorts. I grabbed my ipod and armband, and dragged my feet outside.

I dropped my water bottle and towel at the end of Temple Beach so I'd have something to come back to...I steadily gained enthusiasm for the upcoming exercise, it's surprising what just being out in the sun can do for you. I turned the volume up as the Fugees got my blood pumping, and I started to run.

I made it past the Temple and Hukilau beaches and took a break to watch some kite boarders do their thing. While so doing, I saw a shadow moving on the water. At first I thought it was a log or something, and then over the next wave I saw a small head pop up. It was a beautiful baby sea turtle! I watched her float in the water for a few moments, and then I resumed my run. And out of the corner of my eye I saw the turtle (whom I named Shelly) swimming the same direction I was running! I was able to keep pace with her pretty well for the first....like minute and a half... and then she disappeared into the deep blue. I stopped and saw my new surroundings, and realized I hadn't been that far along the beach before.

After racing with a sea turtle, hopefully it won't take me as long to get out of the house tomorrow.
What a beatiful day this was, what beautiful places I saw, what a lovely friend I met :)

Meant To Be Roomies :)

I often wonder who I associated with before I came to earth. When we all were waiting for the grand plan to be presented, who were we chatting with? Who were our confidants and kindred spirits? Of all the people I'm surrounded with on this earth, who did I specifically ask my Heavenly Father to place in my life? I know I begged Him to give me 6 of my coolest guy friends and 5 of my closest girlfriends to grow up with; 2 of my very best friends to raise me, and a myriad of others who would make my journey in this life easier to bear. There have been so many people who have left footprints on my heart, but since I came to Hawaii I have met 4 girls who I know I must have met before...
They are among the sweetest, most giving and understanding girls I have ever known- and I'm honored to call them my friends. Here's a shout-out to my homies: Ashley Shaum, Courtney McAffee, Ashley Flake, and Kristine Magnusson. Thanks for being you :)
LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!!!

Whom the Lord calls...(I really hope) he qualifies.

Soooooooo today... :) I was rudely awakened by a cell phone call and jumped up to find I had fell asleep on the couch from studying late last night. Lo and behold, it was a member of my bishopric wondering if I could come in for an interview...in 30 minutes...it's a 15 minute walk to the church- you do the math. I quickly readied myself, and ran out the door. As I walked into the building, Brother Tai greeted me and we sat. As he talked to me about school, life, and family, I wondered what could possibly be my calling. He told me they had prayed about it and decided that I should be called as the new 1st Counselor in the Relief Society! SO I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but it seems the responsibilities come no matter what :) So today has been jam-packed with meetings, and I'm beginning to get really excited! I am concerned however that it will be difficult to teach the girls, considering I'm one of the youngest in the group...but I really hope the Lord starts to qualify me really quick so I can be an example to them all.
Love you all, any advice or ideas on the subject is welcome!!

Missing Pages

I walked on the beach as the sun shone down, as the birds flew overhead, and the sea creatures surfaced at the meeting of the blue and pink horizons. I walked on the beach and thought of you. I wondered what it would be like to walk these shores alongside you.

I found myself daydreaming and wanting to reach up and hold your hand as if I were a child again. And as I gazed deeper into the horizon I discovered just how truly far apart we were. I mused about putting a message in a bottle and I wondered if it could ever reach you.

My mind dwelt on times that we shared ice cream after the rest of the family went to bed, the way we both swooned over Sully during our midnight viewings of Dr. Quinn, the way you spoke of falling in love with Dad, and you sharing the excitement that you felt as each child was born and added joy to our family.

I remembered many moments in my childhood when it felt that the world revolved around you and me, but then my memories go dark and it seems I can't remember anymore... years of life are missing from my mind. What did we do with that time, you and I? Where did our friendship go? Who or what received our time or dedication that we felt was more deserving?

I look back and wish we could find those missing pages, that we could fill them up with moments of joy and acts of unconditional love. At first those missing pages made me sad, but now I realize that the times ahead can be made far more valuable than the times we missed. I can't wait to pick up where we left off. I look forward to the day when we wipe away eachother's tears and finish the race hand in hand.

At the end of my musings, my damp eyes closed and I imagined that you were here walking toward me. I've never seen a smile on your face so sincere and peaceful as I did in this daydream :) But I knew--I finally knew, that you were smiling at me. We've never spent much time alone together, and now I sometimes imagine that everything disappears and just you and I are sitting together on the beach. I often wonder what you would say to me. Would we tell stories and laugh as friends do or would we merely share a warm embrace that spoke more than words ever could. I wondered if you were happy to see me, and then I realized that it didn't really matter because the most important thing I knew in that moment was that my heart leapt at the prospect of seeing your face again.

I love you more than you will ever know...wish you were here with me Mommy :)

Oakley the Sea Turtle

Negative Capability & Sushi

The scriptures define it as faith, the world defines it as mystery, John Keats described it as Negative Capability; all speculation on accepting the unknown. Even as a people who are constantly searching for answers and constantly pushing the limits of research and experimentation, we are aware that there are some things that we will never fully understand or correctly interpret in this life. The power behind having that faith, accepting that mystery, or nurturing that Negative Capability, is being in a state of intentional open-mindedness. "Great people have the ability to accept that not everything can be resolved."-Keats

I have always had a theory, but recently I heard it put into words by another and I adopt it wholeheartedly: As members of a church where we know that there is no other faith that is more true than what we have, we tend to apply that same stance of rightness in every other aspect of our lives; thus projecting onto everyone else our feelings of what we think is the one right way to do things. They call this the Ophelia Syndrome (a Shakespearian reference); falling for the misconception that there is only one interpretation of everything in the world.

You may have found something in life that makes you feel more happy, healthy, or productive, but that doesn't mean that another individual will find the same fulfillment or satisfaction in that endeavor. Humans have been entrusted with the great capacity to think and act for themselves. Who are we to deprive them of that right? Covey had it right when he said- seek first to understand, then to be understood. Before you try to convince someone to understand your great reasoning for living a certain way or acting a certain way, try to understand the way they live and act and their reasons behind it. It will create a strength within relationships you never thought possible.

Occasionally we become so proud of the great advice we think we can give and become too eager to share it that we hand it out like a free sample of sushi at Costco. But sushi is an acquired taste; some worship it, others despise it. We cannot think that our advice will hold the same weight or value among different people. Seek to only give advice when it is solicited, do not be constantly waiting for an opportunity to speak, practice empathetic listening and think deeply about what the other person needs to hear, and not what you want to tell them.

"If you are not influenced by my uniqueness, I will not be influenced by your advice."

Yoga & Ice Cream- What A Magnificent Combo :)

So today I did homework for a good long while, made myself a gourmet salad for lunch, and then had a long but fun night! It all started when I got really brave and hitch-hiked for the 1st time ever...Me, my roommate and her fiance got picked up along the side of the road by 2 really nice poly girls who also go to BYU-H and they drove us to the next town over so we could get the most amazing food I've ever had-cheeseburger and fries at the Kahuku Grill. Then my friend Kelsea came and picked us up and we went to the school and took my very 1st Yoga Class! SO relaxing, I think I'm gonna start going weekly just to erase the stress of this crazy semester. Then as much as we felt like we should start being healthy after finishing such an exercise, a group of us opted to start our new diet tomorrow and binge on ice cream at Angel's tonight :) Such fun people on this little island, I love it! Then I ended back where I started, buried in a mound of group projects and online homework assignments. The day has come full circle, and oh how I wish these days would never end. I wish there was a little bit of employment somewhere in the mix, but that will come soon enough so I'm just enjoying every free minute I have now. Love you all, thanks for being interested in my life :)

The Prologue To My Future Bestselling Book...

As the sound of Garth Brook's newest album broke the peaceful slumber of the household, Dad put on his apron and started to make his signature breakfast; grape-nuts with molasses and hot water. Our internal clocks never seemed to mesh with that of our father, so as we dragged ourselves out of bed and into the living room our disgruntled expressions were all too visible. This never bothered Dad though, he just continued raising the flag outside in the Arizona sun so we could say the pledge of allegiance before going about our daily routines.
Dad: Rise and Shine! time to meet the day with a smile!
Brennan: Bo, put a shirt on...that's gross.
Bowman: Mind your own business, besides shirts are overrated.
Creed: Did you guys read that last issue of Calvin and Hobbes yet??
Stryder: Credit Card!!!
Shaffer: Keep your hands to yourself! That's a family rule...
Britton: Just say the pledge and leave each other alone!
After these, our routine morning conversations, we sat down to breakfast anywhere we could, seeing as a normal dining table could not accommodate such a large family (to this day I don't think our entire family has sat at a dining table together!) My favorite spot was on the ledge in front of the fireplace. I think it was my fascination with having a little nook to myself that attracted me to this particular place. A special space where I could be left alone. (I was recently reminded that family members would occasionally find me in the closet with a book or fallen asleep behind the couch.)
After breakfast we had a scripture study. Dad would start us off, and we would all try to be as quiet as we could, because when he reads he surrenders to the peace and quiet. His eyes would close slowly, and then the words start to trail off. Not that we didn't enjoy just reading the scriptures, but there was something about that sweet spirit that my father's snoring brought... Next came schoolwork which would break for lunch and then continue until about 2pm. Then we were off to a day full of chores, sprinklers and shaved ice in the backyard, and sitting on the warm metal box around the swamp cooler to play Down By The Banks.
With this being the beginning to a normal day in the Spillane household, you can imagine how we turned out the way we did- great memories of Dad, and a complete and utter loathing for Garth Brooks.

My First Steps On Oahu

Yesterday, (New Years Eve) I woke up around 5am in Denver, Colorado and boarded a plane to start my new life. Dad drove with me to the airport and waited with me all the way until security checks. It was heartbreaking to look back and see him getting smaller and smaller as I walked away. I love him tremendously and he'll always play a huge role in my life. Needless to say, I shed a lot of tears that morning. I had a 6 hour layover in Seattle, so I had some lunch and watched movies on my laptop. Much Ado About Nothing is a good one to keep you entertained for a while...

On my final flight I sat behind a single mom and her young son which gave me an interesting perspective on things. Her name was Colette, and she and her son were moving to Oahu to live with her fiance whom she had only met via internet. That's definitely a leap of faith considering she was changing not only hers, but her child's life as well at the drop of a hat. We chatted for a while and I tried to use the topic of BYU-H to move into a gospel discussion, but it didn't work very well. As we exited the plane in my new home of Hawaii, I helped Colette and her son out to their car and we exchanged pleasant words of parting.

I waited only a few minutes more until the Stansfields (family friends) found me. It was so nice to see a welcoming face, and they presented me with a beautiful purple lei! Then we drove through town about an hour to their home in Kaaawa. It was the most beautiful drive I've ever been on! Yes, it was pitch black at almost midnight, but apparently New Years is a big deal in town because every house on the island was lighting hundreds of fireworks! The entire valley erupted into fireworks as the clock struck midnight, and did not stop until nearly 4am! Brother Stansfield said they were all celebrating because they heard a Spillane was moving into town ;)
When we got to their home, Sister Stansfield had prepared a lovely little holiday feast of potato cheese soup, french bread, Martinelli's, and Fresh Pineapple with Li Hing Muy powder on it! SO SO good.

Today I was up bright and early because of jet lag and I went on a walk with Sister Stansfield and her daughter Mindy around the neighborhood. I met some of the local ladies, and got lots of information about my new home. Such a beautiful walk; nothing but ocean, lush forest, mountains surrounding me, and the sweet scent of the flowers in the trees was heavenly. When we got home, Brother Stansfield took us out in kayaks (1st time in my life) just across the street from their house, and I got to see my first sea turtle! Such a fun experience, I love it here!

On An Isle In The Sea- What A Lovely Place To Be...

I never thought that one day I'd live on a tiny rock surrounded by water, but I find myself here nonetheless; and what a unique experience it has turned out to be. It was divine intervention that brought me here, and the magnificence of the sights, the school, the people, and the aloha spirit that has kept me here. I have grown and developed in ways I never thought possible, and am now working towards righteous goals I never realized I deserved. It's amazing that by being alone you find yourself- you start to see your imperfections merely as mountains not yet conquered, and you find the confidence to keep pushing through your trials. You find out which friendships were meant to last forever, and those which had only a brief purpose in your life and have gone as quickly as they came. You decide which aspects of your past you will let influence your future, and what is truly important to you as an individual.

Books have become a great part of my life now, I see them as a symbol of freedom of intellect that proves the understanding and depth of humankind. Through studying them, I've discovered how all people eventually become books. Each of us leaves a legacy, and it can either be a bestselling novel or neglected paperback; it can either be enduring or forgotten in a heartbeat. I have yet to be written but if I were, you would read of a window to see heaven and earth, and shoes to walk them both. A sinner to teach, and a saint to learn from. A battle to fight, a war to win. A heart to love people, a door for them to leave through- But near my climax there would be joy and an enduring smile. No cry of anguish, no tearless rage. No complete closure, no final page.

To my wonderful family, thank you for molding me into the woman I am now- I'm like a turtle on a fencepost, others may marvel at how I got here, but one thing they know for sure is that I didn't get here by myself. I will never be able to thank you enough for all of the time and effort you put into teaching me. I love you all dearly, and hope to see you again soon :)
No Empty Chairs...