Cinnamon Life

Have you ever noticed that junk food always goes on sale first? It's this game that grocers like to play called "let's only put the chips, cookies, and pop on sale for the first week of the month so that when the poor starving college students are forced to go grocery shopping they can only afford that- then after they've already stocked up on junk, we'll put all the granola, soy milk, and produce on sale." Well this week I was too tired to strategize and lost that game- which landed me sitting at work with nothing to munch on but a box of Cinnamon Life. And as I munched I thought about the mediocrity of college life. I thought about how one day those who gave me grades would be begging me for an autograph, how those who denied me financial aid would begin asking me for donations...how my landlord would one day be my gardener. And as I relished that thought for a while, I decided that in order for that precious day to come I would need to make a few changes; for our future is only as great as the sum of our sacrifices. So then I asked myself, what am I willing to sacrifice? Am I willing to do now what others won't, so that I can do later what others can't? I hope my priorities are such that I can look back on this time and remember more than just the beach- I hope to remember the changes that I went through, the people that I met, the goals I accomplished, and the path that I laid brick-by-brick for future generations.
...And then I walked into my Mathetmatics of Accounting class and all such dreams faded into a dusty oblivion where I lost all hope for a pleasant future. As the teacher droned on and on about liabilities and compound interest, all I could think of was how I longed for the simple sweet taste of that Cinnamon Life.

My Least Favorite Phrase:

"They're great...once you get to know them." People, be great at first so that others will want to get to know you. Life is about the value of our social interactions; not merely how we treat our friends, but how we treat strangers. "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

Dumb Superheroes

I don't know what some of those superheroes were thinking...being invisible sucks.

There comes a time in every girl's life when no matter how hard you try to stop liking him, you simply can't help it. Each of us have known that boy who makes life better just by smiling, for whom we would wait hours if only to catch a second of eye contact with him. But unfortunately he's also the one we think is so far out of our league; the one we put up on a shelf and label "untouchable." For some reason we can't see anything but his perfection, and our lack thereof. You try and try to be noticeable whether it's through personality, humor, looks, you name it; but in the end you remain invisible. And that thought drives us crazy-how do we have such an easy time making friends, an easy time gaining the respect of adults and love of children, yet he still doesn't know we exist?
And then there's the competition. That girl who makes your self esteem drop ten points merely by breathing. She smiles at all the right times, bats her eyelashes an inordinate amount, and never seems to have a single hair out of place. Never a blemish on her perfectly even suntanned skin, and she must just live at the gym.
Why do we put ourselves in these situations? Why do we let us ourselves want more than we deserve or even dare to compare with those far more valuable prospects?

I think these thoughts on a daily basis, and mostly on Sundays when I fidget around not knowing what to do with myself or where to sit, etc. and I can barely remember the reason I am there in the first place because something far more distracting is commanding my attention.

...and in the midst of this war of looks and personality and flirting and competition, I have to constantly tell myself... If he really knew what he was missing, he wouldn't settle for anything else.
To all my girls out there; tell yourselves the same thing the next time you find yourself being "invisible."Because it's true :)

Racing Sea Turtles

I fell asleep on the couch again...slept in until 9 again. (surprise) I dreamt that I was a few years older, a few years wiser, and a few pounds lighter. When I awoke I thought, "I should go for a run today." First I went over all the reasons I should do it, then I went over all the reasons I didn't really feel like it, then I went over all the more interesting things I could be doing with my time, and the list went on... and on. 11 o'clock rolled around, I was eating applesauce and sitting on the couch typing up an article for the paper-the glass door to my left was letting in the beautiful Hawaiian sunlight, and I remembered my earlier idea to exercise. I thought, "Oh but I'm so entangled in this article, I just HAVE to finish it!"....12 o'clock rolled around, now I was paying bills, listening to country, and contemplating painting my nails. The idea struck me again and I fought it off with, "Well high-noon is a bad time to be out in the sun... I'd get 3rd degree burns."...1 o'clock rolled around, and I had finally exhausted my excuses. My roommates were all gone and I had no distractions, my rear end was numb from sitting down, and that beautiful sun was just begging me to come out and play. I sighed a sorrowful sigh, then slowly walked to my room and changed into my running shorts. I grabbed my ipod and armband, and dragged my feet outside.

I dropped my water bottle and towel at the end of Temple Beach so I'd have something to come back to...I steadily gained enthusiasm for the upcoming exercise, it's surprising what just being out in the sun can do for you. I turned the volume up as the Fugees got my blood pumping, and I started to run.

I made it past the Temple and Hukilau beaches and took a break to watch some kite boarders do their thing. While so doing, I saw a shadow moving on the water. At first I thought it was a log or something, and then over the next wave I saw a small head pop up. It was a beautiful baby sea turtle! I watched her float in the water for a few moments, and then I resumed my run. And out of the corner of my eye I saw the turtle (whom I named Shelly) swimming the same direction I was running! I was able to keep pace with her pretty well for the first....like minute and a half... and then she disappeared into the deep blue. I stopped and saw my new surroundings, and realized I hadn't been that far along the beach before.

After racing with a sea turtle, hopefully it won't take me as long to get out of the house tomorrow.
What a beatiful day this was, what beautiful places I saw, what a lovely friend I met :)

Meant To Be Roomies :)

I often wonder who I associated with before I came to earth. When we all were waiting for the grand plan to be presented, who were we chatting with? Who were our confidants and kindred spirits? Of all the people I'm surrounded with on this earth, who did I specifically ask my Heavenly Father to place in my life? I know I begged Him to give me 6 of my coolest guy friends and 5 of my closest girlfriends to grow up with; 2 of my very best friends to raise me, and a myriad of others who would make my journey in this life easier to bear. There have been so many people who have left footprints on my heart, but since I came to Hawaii I have met 4 girls who I know I must have met before...
They are among the sweetest, most giving and understanding girls I have ever known- and I'm honored to call them my friends. Here's a shout-out to my homies: Ashley Shaum, Courtney McAffee, Ashley Flake, and Kristine Magnusson. Thanks for being you :)
LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!!!

Whom the Lord calls...(I really hope) he qualifies.

Soooooooo today... :) I was rudely awakened by a cell phone call and jumped up to find I had fell asleep on the couch from studying late last night. Lo and behold, it was a member of my bishopric wondering if I could come in for an interview...in 30 minutes...it's a 15 minute walk to the church- you do the math. I quickly readied myself, and ran out the door. As I walked into the building, Brother Tai greeted me and we sat. As he talked to me about school, life, and family, I wondered what could possibly be my calling. He told me they had prayed about it and decided that I should be called as the new 1st Counselor in the Relief Society! SO I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but it seems the responsibilities come no matter what :) So today has been jam-packed with meetings, and I'm beginning to get really excited! I am concerned however that it will be difficult to teach the girls, considering I'm one of the youngest in the group...but I really hope the Lord starts to qualify me really quick so I can be an example to them all.
Love you all, any advice or ideas on the subject is welcome!!

Missing Pages

I walked on the beach as the sun shone down, as the birds flew overhead, and the sea creatures surfaced at the meeting of the blue and pink horizons. I walked on the beach and thought of you. I wondered what it would be like to walk these shores alongside you.

I found myself daydreaming and wanting to reach up and hold your hand as if I were a child again. And as I gazed deeper into the horizon I discovered just how truly far apart we were. I mused about putting a message in a bottle and I wondered if it could ever reach you.

My mind dwelt on times that we shared ice cream after the rest of the family went to bed, the way we both swooned over Sully during our midnight viewings of Dr. Quinn, the way you spoke of falling in love with Dad, and you sharing the excitement that you felt as each child was born and added joy to our family.

I remembered many moments in my childhood when it felt that the world revolved around you and me, but then my memories go dark and it seems I can't remember anymore... years of life are missing from my mind. What did we do with that time, you and I? Where did our friendship go? Who or what received our time or dedication that we felt was more deserving?

I look back and wish we could find those missing pages, that we could fill them up with moments of joy and acts of unconditional love. At first those missing pages made me sad, but now I realize that the times ahead can be made far more valuable than the times we missed. I can't wait to pick up where we left off. I look forward to the day when we wipe away eachother's tears and finish the race hand in hand.

At the end of my musings, my damp eyes closed and I imagined that you were here walking toward me. I've never seen a smile on your face so sincere and peaceful as I did in this daydream :) But I knew--I finally knew, that you were smiling at me. We've never spent much time alone together, and now I sometimes imagine that everything disappears and just you and I are sitting together on the beach. I often wonder what you would say to me. Would we tell stories and laugh as friends do or would we merely share a warm embrace that spoke more than words ever could. I wondered if you were happy to see me, and then I realized that it didn't really matter because the most important thing I knew in that moment was that my heart leapt at the prospect of seeing your face again.

I love you more than you will ever know...wish you were here with me Mommy :)